Nothing Says Loving Like A Non-Functioning Patcher


Excuse me, I'd like to sell this patcher. It's, uh, rare.

Under normal circumstances, I could chalk this up to Final Fantasy XIV having just launched yesterday (for the head start) but at some point I would be injecting rationale and patience into an area of the system where people have historically rejected both. If you haven’t participated in Square Enix’s foray into the newest generation of Massively Multiplayer titles, Final Fantasy XIV has among the least user friendly patch downloading tools on the market. In open beta, I was assured by several vehement defenders that my infinity-estimated waiting time for this nine gigabyte patch would be fixed by the time the game launched. Granted, I was also called a “trolling d-bag” for my discontent that a fifteen megabyte patch should have a six hour waiting time, so take with it what you will.

Those of you who, like myself, managed to get into the open beta likely accomplished this task by using the Megaupload links on FFXIVcore, or managed to find the patches using someone else’s torrent system. As a number of people pointed out on unofficial forums (as the open beta testers weren’t allowed into the Square Enix forums), nothing kills interest in a game like being forced to jump through hoops just to install the damned thing.

Of course, this isn’t me just pulling “the general consensus” out of my rear end and presenting it as the majority opinion. A couple years ago, when NCsoft was putting forth plans to move Dungeon Runners to a web-client system, they noted that around one third of their users never even got past downloading the game. Of course people who plucked down fifty bucks on a game are going to try a lot harder to get in, but consider early discontent as a playing factor when Square Enix’s post 1-month figures come back.

Remember, a guy who says “I hated the game, there’s lag/performance issues” convinces few, as lag is subjective and based on time, location, and the person’s computer/internet. On the other hand, a person who says “I can’t really give an opinion, I never got the game working,” stands to convince many more not to go through the hassle of even giving the game a chance. Opinions on a game vary from person to person, but barriers of entry are universal.

So is Final Fantasy XIV doomed to head down the All Points Bulletin route and crash by this December? Not a snowball’s chance in hell. Owing to the Square Enix community, there are more than enough people willing to embrace the patcher, with its faults, and deal with it to cover those who will quit after the first month’s free time. If anything, one might consider the patcher a test of patience. If you’re patient enough to get download and move all the patches, then some of the facets of the game itself will be a breeze (not getting into that here, however). Of course, there is still plenty of time for Square to streamline the patcher once the population has gone down to its core populace.

More on Final Fantasy XIV as it appears.