It’s that time of the year again.
In case you blew past the headline or didn’t understand it because it may or may not fit within a single Tweet, it’s time again for the 2023 awards show where we award awards to games and developers for the sole reason that they deserve awards and we have them to hand out. Digitally. It’s been quite a year in the gaming industry, so let’s just get on the awarding the awards.
Award.
The Ralph Wiggum “I’m In Danger” Award
Winner: Everyone!
The winner of this award goes to every single game developer out there, from the lead producer down to the lowly QA intern. Because in 2023 you fell into one of two camps; you were laid off or you’re somewhere on the list for a future round of layoffs. We all know it’s coming. It’s like your colonoscopy, you can only delay it for so long.
This year was a year of monumental profits for the gaming industry which of course was met with monumental layoffs. Let me double check my notes. Nope, that was correct. Meanwhile the sociopathic tech executives who caused all the problems at these companies get to either keep their disgustingly overpaid jobs or glide off into the sunset with their big golden parachutes while the damage they deliberately caused burns behind them.
So this award goes out to all of you who for some reason continue to work in this cesspit of an industry where you can be underpaid, have absolutely no job security, and get death threats lobbed at you by barely literate adults incapable of washing their own ass crack yet well versed in racial slurs, who grew up with no personality aside from the console brand they own, rather than taking a less stressful and higher paying job. Like bomb disposal expert. Or building porno websites.
At least we can rest knowing Bobby Kotick is so toxic that even with his billions his love life is still less successful than Charles Manson’s. Post conviction. The guy got married from prison you know.
The Kevin Nash Award For Self-Preservation
Winner: Dynamight Studios
Back when Dynamight Studios announced they’d be partnering with Gamigo to publish Fractured Online, the MMO community had a pretty unified endorsement of the news. Endorsing that they’d rather play in something less doomed and toxic like a condemned McDonald’s ball pit.
MMO gamers aren’t too eager to put their faith in the idea that Gamigo would lead to a long healthy life for Fractured Online, but that’s only because of Gamigo’s long history of being a deadbeat publisher who assimilates MMOs to let them die as they wring them of whatever small traces of cash might be remaining. See Trion Worlds.
But boy howdy did Dynamight surprise us when they announced they were kicking Gamigo to the curb and going self-published. And sure, things haven’t been exactly smooth since that announcement. But the game is in early access now and probably less likely to be shut down.
Whatever the result, it’s no worse than it probably would have been under Gamigo. And for that, Dynamight gets my respect and this award.
The Richard Garriott Award For Most Squandered Reputation
Winner: Tim Sweeney
The Richard Garriott Award for Most Squandered Reputation is back for a second year running, and now that Garriott himself has once again abandoned the gaming industry following the very quick collapse of that fake game Iron & Magic, the award must move on to its next recipient. And who was more deserving this year than Tim Sweeney?
Yes Tim Sweeney, the guy who bought Bandcamp just so he could use it as a prop in his fraudulent lawsuit and burn the company down immediately after. Tim Sweeney who purposely upended the lives of nearly a thousand employees to pay for his stupid frivolous lawsuits that he still lost, and paying millions for free games instead of just improving the store. Or keeping employees hired.
If 2023 has proven anything about Tim Sweeney it’s that he doesn’t care about the open market, his employees, customers, or competition. What Tim wants is to force his way into a seat at the table so he can slowly undermine the big players, creating a race to the bottom where he can peddle scams and malware to customers while destroying consumer trust in the two companies (Apple and Google) who spurned Sweeney by demanding the freeloader give a cut of revenue for using their store and infrastructure.
He’s basically William Zabka from Karate Kid, playing dirty only to still get kicked in the face and KO’d in the final match.
The Cornered Rat Award For WWII MMOs Done Right
Winner: Foxhole
WWII Online was the grandaddy of genuine WWII MMOs, but boy howdy has it not played well since…it’s launch. And the game has only become more outdated since then. I think it’s fair to say after the launch of Naval Warfare that Cornered Rat crawled so Siege Camp could run.
Even if you don’t play the game and have no interest in WWII games, MMOs, or simulators revolving around supply line issues, I think it’s safe to say that what Siege Camp has put together here is pretty damn impressive. Even if the community kinda sucks sometimes.
The Tinned Sardines In Louisiana Hot Sauce Award For Satisfying Trends
Winner: Extraction Games
This year’s winner for satisfying gaming trends is the PvPvE Extraction looter genre. While this has been around for years, I think it’s safe to say that 2023 has really jettisoned these games into a new spotlight. People are loving the high risk, high reward stress that these games offer.
And not just relegated to shooters, we’ve also seen a big increase in sword and sorcery based titles. Like Dark and Darker. And Dungeon Stalkers. While not all of these games have performed swimmingly, there are more titles being announced every other month.
I’d say extraction games are really on the up and up this year.
The Depleted D-Cell Battery Award Not Sponsored By Energizer For Least Shocking Shocker Sponsored By Kodak
Winner: The Day Before
It’s been one week since you looked at me, and two years since FNTASTIC announced The Day Before only for the collective internet to say “wow this looks fake.” In fact accusations of the game being fake and the trailers showing fraudulent gameplay footage have been dogging the game for almost all of those two years. And as The Day Before continued to mire in controversy, delays, and videos showing a slow degradation in quality and features, the collective internet said “yeah this is a scam.”
And then The Day Before finally released and proved us all wrong. It was a real game, but it’s also definitely a scam. In fact the devs at FNTASTIC are still scamming customers by advertising the game as an open world zombie MMO when it is actually an extraction shooter. When if they’d pitched it honestly the game would just be another mediocre extraction shooter in early access.
The Optimistic Pilot Award For Hopeful Future Upward Trajectory
Winner: Wayfinder
I like Wayfinder. In fact I like Wayfinder a lot more since they improved optimization and vastly buffed experience rates. One of the biggest problems in today’s landscape of MMOs and live services is that often games don’t get a second chance to prove their worth once they’ve stumbled out of the gate and launched badly. Wayfinder launched badly.
But the game is still in paid early access with a free to play launch next year, and the devs seem to be doing a lot to get the game in a better state before it opens up to the masses. It has a 74% mostly positive score of recent reviews on Steam, and well I’m hopeful they can pull it off.
2024 will be a new year for Wayfinder. Please.
The Six-Ply Toilet Paper Nest Award For Coziest MMO Of 2023 Award
Winner: Palia
Palia may just be the MMO to prove you don’t need sex or scantily clad characters to produce one of the thirstiest communities since the North Carolina Competitive Sand-Eating Competition that sadly ended after just one tragic tournament. Currently in early access, Palia is as cozy as you can get without providing a fluffy robe and a hot cup of chamomile tea every time you boot up the game.
Even the community is cozy, and you know how many other MMOs can claim to have nice communities? Yeah, I’m running low on ideas too. The devs are constantly updating the game and I will wholly admit I haven’t been doing nearly as much coverage of this title as I wanted to this year.
If you don’t want to deal with Epic Games, you can play Palia on console too. It’s getting cross-play and cross-progression from what I’ve heard.
The “Things Aren’t Good” Hideo Kojima Nepotism Award For Bestest Podcast
Winner: Video Game Outsiders
The nepotism awards are back and while MassivelyOP may have won last year for having me on their podcast once, this year’s winners are the folks at Videogame Outsiders for having me on twice. Check out the live show every Tuesday from 9 to 11 p.m. EST, subscribe to their app to get access to the library of episodes and other micro-shows, and be marveled at how a podcast where three people scream at each other for two hours a week is still going after nearly twenty years.
Check into the Discord and tell them they’re too mean to Matt Bradford, they love hearing that.
The 2023 Blatant Pandering Award For Cutest and Most Intelligent Reader
Winner: You
The person reading this right now. You won.
MMO Fallout 