Jeromy Walsh explains most recent delay for Chronicles of Elyria.
In a shocking announcement that surprised most of the MMO gaming world this week, Chronicles of Elyria has been delayed yet again. But the reason is a noble one, as the sole remaining developer and CEO Jeromy “Caspian” Walsh has been recruited to rescue President Lincoln in a daring and dangerous time caper.
As part of a press release hosted at an IHOP in Sheboygan, Wisconsin, Caspian spent roughly an hour and a half discussing his recent recognition on the international stage with a Nobel Peace Price in “not being a compulsive liar” before showing off his Guinness Record for the “Fattest Vape Pull Ever.” The ceremony was attended by all of CoE’s fervent fanbase, however the gentleman left after commenting that his Rooty Tooty was “neither fresh nor fruity.”
Chronicles of Elyria of course is a vaporware MMORPG that ended development in 2020 when the entire staff was laid off. Walsh reportedly returns to the office at least once a month to wave his hand over a mouse and mutter “development development” before declaring a job well done and leaving with the lights still on.
Walsh eventually turned the subject to the recent delay (again) of Chronicles of Elyria. In an emotional display of sadness, Walsh revealed that he had been recruited by the CIA, MIB, MI6, and for some reason the EFIS, all of whom were impressed by his talent in always telling the truth and never speaking out of both sides of his mouth. Caspian’s talents will be used in a mission to time travel to rescue President Lincoln.
Reporters were informed that President Lincoln had been stolen from time in a well-orchestrated and masterfully scored heist by high profile thief Carmen Sandiego. Caspian will lead a team in Operation This Is Legit Happening to track down Lincoln’s location in time, have a hell of a cinematic fight sequence with fantastic choreography and set design, bring him back to 1863 to sign the Emancipation Proclamation, and then Caspian will be returned back safe and sound to complete Chronicles of Elyria.
“It is prideful and disappointing that I will have to undertake this mission,” Walsh stated, both heartfelt and honestly, “especially when Chronicles of Elyria was only one week away from being feature complete and ready to launch as a real product to our eager fans. As I told my beautiful wife Krystal from Star Fox Adventures, my community has always been my top priority. But my country and the fabric of time and space must come first.”
When an MMO Fallout field reporter asked why Walsh needs to delay the game when he could theoretically time travel back to this exact point in time and still launch the game next week, Caspian responded “that’s a stupid question from someone covered in syrup” before he began hurling glass jars of syrup at the press in attendance.
MMO Fallout wishes Jeromy Walsh god speed on his mission to save Lincoln, and a safe journey home to continue working on Chronicles of Elyria.
MMO Fallout 