The first ten levels.
If it wasn’t for MMO Fallout and a desire to post my early impressions I would have quit Kritika Zero by level six. I say that because that’s the point where I was really ready to just give up the ghost and go do something more enriching and rewarding, like watching the skin form on top of a bowl of chocolate pudding. Now that’s good eatin.
Kritika Zero is roughly the two thousandth relaunch of the repeatedly failed MMO Kritika, and now it’s Valofe’s turn to screw it up in very obvious ways that should’ve been clear before launch. And then it’ll die in a week and shut down in a year or two.
The smartest thing Valofe did was to not launch Kritika Zero on Steam, because while the game is destined to be a failure at least they won’t have to explain to their investors articles on MMO Fallout talking about how the game only launched to less than 100 concurrent users, or the obligatory follow up in a month when I point out that less than half of those numbers are left. Not having public numbers lets Valofe make the numbers.
The first ten levels of Kritika Zero feel like being in the house of a friend of a friend who doesn’t want you there and thinks you’re mooching off their food. It honestly makes me question why Valofe bothered resurrecting it again, because the contempt is so thick you can cut it with a knife.
Beating the tutorial is the first hint; it takes way too long to kill enemies. But I have taken on the first few zones in this game more times than I can count between relaunches and alts. I realized going through the first post-tutorial zone two things. First; the game wasn’t giving me loot.
The first zone of missions doesn’t give any loot whatsoever, which also means you’re going up against enemies that just take longer and longer and longer and longer to kill. And the game forces you through each area’s higher difficulties before moving to the next zone, so in addition to not rewarding you anything (I believe they didn’t give gold either), you’re repeating the same levels multiple times in a row. Did you enjoy how long it took you? No? Well now you get to do it again but take slightly longer.
By the time I hit level 10, I had acquired six pieces of gear, only four of which I actually had use for. Six pieces of gear by level 10. I find more loot kicking my couch.
But then I got out of it and the game switched to jack crap 2.0, now with more crap. Now instead of getting nothing per zone I was getting a whopping one item per zone. Once or twice I got two items in the same zone. But standard enemies no longer drop loot, or potions, or stuff outside of quest items. You just get a singular random piece of crap at the end of the match. IF you’re lucky.
The second notice was how horribly underpowered my character is and how hard mana is to generate. You’ll be jackhammering that left mouse button with manic crackhead energy watching your mana go up one or two points per hit alongside the lifespan of your pointer finger digging itself deeper into early onset arthritis territory, so you can throw a special attack once every 15-30 seconds.
Mana takes way too long to generate, basic attacks are not interesting to have to spam as 95% of your attacks, and special attacks cost too much. Also there’s one attack that just straight up crashes the game.
“Use mana potions.” Oh you sweet child.
And I’m not being hyperbolic when I say this game has active contempt for its players. There is a shop NPC in the hub who doesn’t sell anything. Almost like the game is giving you the middle finger for even trying. Likely a holdover from prior versions. Potions? We don’t need no stinkin’ potions!
Unless you do. In which case basic health and mana potions are locked behind the cash shop. Active disgusting contempt for their potential customers. Of which there are next to none.
You also can’t buy costumes or pets in the cash shop, only loot boxes.
What’s crazy is Kritika Zero requires an abacus to figure out how many times this game has been rebooted, and yet somehow they’ve been rebuilding it nearly from scratch and launching too early every time. There are four classes available and the game is so poorly balanced, clearly devoid of playtesting, and bug-ridden that you’d think we were back in 2012 playing the beta release.
It’s Kritika Online for Christ’s sake! This game has been launching since 2013 and somehow every single relaunch the dev of the day has no clue what people want. I got my hands on a copy of the launch day press release and I have to point out this paragraph:
“As Kritika: Zero marks its official release, it is poised to set a new standard for gaming. With a perfect blend of cutting-edge technology, captivating storytelling, and intense gameplay, the game is expected to become a staple for enthusiasts seeking an immersive gaming experience.”
Kritika: Zero is setting a new standard for gaming in the same sense that the restaurant I’m bankrolling is going to set a new standard for restaurants because after I open Captain Dysentery’s Scombroid Shack and Room Temp Sushi Buffet the health inspector is going to need a grade below F.
Now if you don’t mind those pudding skins are calling my name.
MMO Fallout 