Tag: Bioware

Best of April Fools 2010


While doing Kevin Bacon’s usual rounds of Topeka searches for MMO news from my favorite Kansas city of Google, Kevin Bacon checked the calendar and realized: It’s April 1st! The glorious day of the year where, at least in Kevin Bacon’s experiences, news stories fall into one of two categories: Companies either announce something insanely exciting, only to link you to Rick Astley or a well-designed news page, or something horrifying. If you’re a skeptical optimist, like Kevin Bacon, you usually end up looking at everything in the first week of April as if it might spring from the page and stab you in the face. Kevin Bacon is not completely sure that this article itself is real.

With every April Fools that comes and goes, it is important to remember that for every generation of gamers that are used to the April 1st jollies, there are plenty more who fly off the handle when Blizzard announces that World of Warcraft is shutting down due to low subscriber numbers. So, for better or worse, here is the Best of April Fools: 2010 edition.

  • Earth Eternal is ready to make fun of their status as a “kiddy” game, with weapons and graphics removed (but purchasable in the cash shop).
  • Runescape is finally ready to announce the grand opening of the Wet & Wildy theme park! I wonder how long before the popcorn is nerfed, those kernels are overpowered.
  • Blizzard hopes you have fifteen grand to drop on a virtual reality helmet, and let’s be honest: Who doesn’t? This new technology will allow you to experience Battlenet and World of Warcraft in ways you only dreamed possible. A deal, and lasts for months on end before needing a replacement, that’s longer than your average battery!
  • Ớ̸̥̗̝̼̙͕͉͙̇̆͑̔ͥ̃͒ͦ̓ͤ͂͌͋̌ͦͨ̓̂͟h̶̢̧̛̟̥̠̘̱̼̳̭͒̄͋̎͗̉́ͣ̌̽̒̑͊͗̃͝ ̸̨̛̭̼͖̺̹̝̪̯̓̈́ͣ͗̉͊̈́̀͗̐̈̚g͒͑̓ͦ͂̔͊̑ͥ̿̽̔̃̈̊͏̸̡͖̯̼͉̜ͅͅǫ̴̪̟̠̟̪̩̼̤͕͂̆̿ͩ̿ͧͬ̇͑̉̑́̚̚͝d̡͈̙̰̠̩͍̺̗̣͛́̉͗̑̔͑̂̃͒ͭ͢ ̭̗̠̳̲̬̻͍̜̭͖̘͇̄͒̏̒̽͘ẉ̘̲͍̪͍̭̝̯ͣ̏̆̎̃ͮͧ̃̊́̉̀͢h̟̬̩͈̟̖͉̞̭͙̤̼̺̖̲͓̩̎ͫ̈́͌̃ͧͣ͐̎ͣ͆ͮ͆̒̚͜͠y̸̷̛͂̉͆͐̆̓̏͏̗̟̙̘̟̪ͅ ̶͓̘̜̺̺̭̥͕͛ͩͯ̿̕͟d̹̱͇̦̮̤͙̙͕͖̀̈̽͋ͮ͐͆̑̽͛̔͐̾̎͗ͣ͌́͢o̸̢̨̥̳̠̰̘̖͈̓ͭ̆̈̓ͭ͑̽ͮͬ͌ͮ̾̒̒̾ͮ̉̚͠ ̵̧̰̯̦̼̻͚͍̠͙̫̦̠̰̦ͣͦ̓̈̾̊̒ͥ̽͗̏̅̏̿͊̃̀́̚̕ͅͅṱ̶̶̛͔͕̲̫̤̣͕̤̞̭̳̲̣̘̬̘ͣ͌ͣ̉̅͛̏̈͂͑͐̋ͭ͐ͪ́̚̕h̼͕̠̹͔͙͓̱̫̬͔͛ͪ̎̔̄ͧ͒͒̄́̚͟e̛͈͖̞̼̬̪͉̞͔̯͎͊͂͒̅ͩͩ̒̋̌̐͒̈́ͣ̆͑̓ͬ͞ͅy̝̪͙̰̰̬̜͒ͬͫ̈́̊ͭ̂͛͐̿̒͌ͮ͗ͫ͜͢ ̧͓̳̣̠͙ͥ̃ͥ̾ͦ͂͛͟h̶̶̵̪̤̻͉̹̖̗̤̜̼̖̣̜̿̊̉̒̚ų̶͍̖͍̰̙͕͉̀ͥͫ̀ͯͪ͛͐ͨͤ͑̉ͅͅŗ̖̼̟͕͔͎͉̰͍͍̪̞̱̯ͪ̃̂͗ͩ́̈͒̓ͦ͛̉͢͢͞͞ͅṫ̶̡̩͚̮͍̮̈́̓ͩ̀ͫͣ͆ͦͤͣ̈̆̉ͯ̆ͩ͟ ̷̨̻̤̬̟́̀͑ͫͫ͗̋̂ͧͭͮ̃ͤͮ̒̆̃ͯ͜s̨̛͎̳̺͓͉̦̍͆̆̉̏͑̅̑̀͑͂̆̓̊́͢ͅo̷ͦͦ̿̐̄ͩ̽͏͏̖̤̘̻̟̗̤̪̭̞̝̦̱͔̤͘͝ ͈̭͖͟ͅb̧̢͍͉̭̣̗̻̠̓ͩͮͬ̅̐ͪ̒̏͆͘͠ȁ̷̵̯̹͈̰̣̥̼̟͔̯̟̟̠̰͖̘͍͌̋́͛̐̓̉̌̿͌̽̔ͪͮ͋̅͟d̛̄͆̋ͣ̒̅̃̓̋̇͒̈͂̃̏̄͟͏̮̥͈̳̭͓̕ͅͅļ̲͚̼͈̏̿ͬ̀ͯͨ͒̔ͨy̡̗͍̳̟̩̐̓ͩ͊̍̓̑͆ͩͣͫ̊͐̒ͧ̀̀ ̝̹͖͎͉ͧ̇ͧͣͥͭͫ̊ͭ͆̈̿ͨ̋͗̾̚̕̕ô̸̯͙̬̯͍̗̗̙͉̠̖̼ͬͯ͑͆͒ͤͫ͐͘͘̕͝h̷̢͖͚̤̠̫̿͆ͪ̔̽̔ͫͣ̄ͦ͛̓̿ͩ͘͜ ͔̦̺͔̟͎͖̤̲̜̙̙̳̙̞͖̦̩̟͋̆͗̌̀̓ͫ̉ͣ̏͋̇̐̉͑͒̎̀́̚͜g̲̭͙̣̺̗͈̰̙̦̲̯ơ̶̳̦̰̠̱̥̹̰͐̉͆͒̓͌ͤͬ̍̑ͯ͂ͭ̐̅̚d͇̥̮͚͚̺̳̏̋͆ͨ̂ͨ̊͞
  • Bioware wants you to check out the latest class revealed for The Old Republic: The Sarlacc Enforcer. Not content with simply shooting your prey? Experience the joy of planning up to a hundred thousand years, waiting cautiously for your food to get within range. Don’t worry, you’ve got time.
  • NCsoft is ready to bring the next expansion to City of Heroes. No, it’s not Going Rogue, it’s City of Sidekicks. Be the person always screwing up the mission. In fact, the more you screw up, the better you do!
  • Atlantica Online shows jokes the door and calls for a real event. Logging in for an hour will grant you the Fool title, as well as a small buff in attack and defense.
  • Fallen Earth would like to offer you an uber edition. What is so uber about this edition? It comes in a gold sleeve. How many other games offer gold sleeves? Huh? That’s what I thought.
  • Guild Wars wants to answer your pleas. When you think of mini-pets and their owners, why are the mini-pets small and the owners tall? ArenaNet thought exactly that, and today your characters are small and your pets are tall.
  • Turbine is also getting into the spirit of the year. Forget Tibia as the most popular mobile MMO, just wait until Lord of the Rings Online makes its way to the Iphone and Blackberry!

I’ll be updating this page throughout the day, as soon as I deal with this incessant mouth-breather. No, you may not blog. I do not care about your blog. Get back in the box. My speech and typing functions appear to be overlapping, I should shut them

Dangerous Expectations: One Million For The Old Republic


When Electronic Arts announced that Star Wars: The Old Republic is their largest development project ever, I immediately became worried for the title. In all likelihood, The Old Republic has an enormous budget, more than most other MMOs can shake a stick at, and as a result will have the eyes of EA glaring down on it when it does officially launch, and the resulting post-month 1 subscriber numbers are presented to the bigwigs. As I’ve mentioned before on several postmortem “What happened” episodes,  the number one cause of MMO death is not unsubstantial subscriber numbers, but lower than what the developer/publisher wanted.

So a game like The Old Republic will likely require a lot of subscribers to meet that budget they hooked into the title, and EA was kind enough to tell us exactly what that number is to break even: One million. Now, there are only a handful of titles that have over a million paying subscribers. A small handful, a very small handful. For some reason, one million has become the benchmark for success, even though several of the top 10 mainstream MMOs do not have one million subscribers. Not only does EA believe they will hit the one million mark, but they can see the game going up to two million and over.

Unfortunately EA may be setting themselves up not for failure, but for disappointment. Disappointment we can only hope doesn’t translate into EA pulling a Tabula Rasa and shutting the title down a year later. So far the experience from press testers has been positive, so who knows? Titles like Eve Online, Runescape, World of Warcraft, and Fallen Earth are not exclusive to breaking the rule of MMO releases: That the population peaks at launch and, following a sharp decrease after the free month, a gradual decline.

I think that, when The Old Republic does go into preorder, it will be right up there with Age of Conan and Warhammer Online for the most orders of the year. If Bioware can pull a higher than normal retention rate following launch, it will be good tidings for the foreseeable future. High expectations are dangerous, but not guaranteed to end in disappointment. Remember that.

More on The Old Republic as it appears.