Last Week On Steam: Slightly Less Rancid Shrimp Edition


Digging through Steam’s weekly release list is like being a septic worker, only more people appreciate what their septic worker does for them. If you can’t tell, it’s not a column I like to spend too much time on because it makes me want to pick up the phone and call my mom and ask why she had to have me, but that’s not what we are here for.

Roughly 275 games were listed on to Steam in the week between August 25 and August 31. Nothing in this list is meant to be a recommendation unless I specifically say that I am recommending the title. Otherwise it is merely a list of games that by my own tastes do not look like an absolute waste of time and money. There are no hentai puzzle sliders, RPG Maker games, or Unity asset flips here. I will not shill your early access title, nor will this list feature games that look like they were made in Flash, ported from mobile phones, and definitely if it doesn’t support English.

If you want the Steam list whittled down to something more manageable, this list is for you. If not, feel free to not read it. The fact that I’m not hosting the images on this server and publishing this at 2a.m. should tell you everything.

#1: Crazy Driver (SRS Games) $.99

Crazy Driver looks like a game from my childhood, at least in the sense that the description makes it sound a lot like the endless mode in Driver. I loved Driver, and seeing how long I could keep my car from being totaled by the police while driving around a very quiet city seemed like the recipe for greatness back in 1999, a good two years before Grand Theft Auto 3 launched.

The cars in this game also look like Micro Machines, so double that nostalgia and stick it right into my veins. Oh and the game runs one whole dollar.

#2: The Castle (Ishtar Games, Inc.) $5.99

I’m not fully convinced that The Castle isn’t some long lost title from the MS DOS days, but Ishtar Games says that it’s a recently developed game and I’m not sure why anyone would lie about that. You’ll need to recruit a group of heroes among the list of available characters to explore a castle, find out its secrets, and most importantly give the stake and the rope to Peter. He knows what to do with it.

If you’re really dripping on that Tales From Monkey Island nostalgia juice and want something actually new to play, check out The Castle.

#3: River Legends: A Fly Fishing Adventure (Dantat Studio) $14.99

But Connor, I hear you shout into the void of space, I don’t want to be a DOS-era nun and have to click “use” before I use something. I want to be a dad and do things that dads do, like fish. Well this next game is right up your airspace.

River Legends is a game with no in-app purchases and no DLC, unlike other fishing games. Despite what the art style may imply, it’s also not one of those artsy-fartsy games that pretends to be one thing and then OH LORD IT’S TWISTED AND EVIL. It’s just fishing, and the four reviews are pretty happy with it. Go fishing, and catch some fish.

#4: Knights and Bikes (Foam Sword) $19.99

If Knights and Bikes looks like a Double Fine game, that’s because it is published by Double Fine. Some of its creators also developed Tearaway. Knights and Bikes looks adorable, it also has an oddly specific soundtrack about riding bikes. It stars two kids in what is referred to as a Goonies-style adventure.

The two new friends, along with their pet-goose and the pickled-head of an undead knight, form the Penfurzy Rebel Bicycle Club, and are ready for anything this adventure throws at them. They pedal into danger to face threats head-on with frisbees, water-balloons, video game controllers and the powerful beats of an amplified boom-box.

Did I mention there is couch co-op?

#5: Minoria (Bombservice) $17.99

I normally pass right by Metroidvania-looking games when looking at titles for this column, since they tend to be absolute trash. Minoria on the other hand immediately drew my attention with truly fantastic looking animation quality. Minoria is an action platformer game with witches, witchcraft, and low gravity that makes boobs bounce a lot. Not that that’s a bad thing.

Girl check out this body. She works out.

The animation quality alone has effectively sold me on this title.

#6: Wayward Souls (Rocketcat Games) $14.99

Yea, we’re going into the procedurally generated 16-bit roguelike games again. Don’t tell me you’ve gotten tired of the genre already!

But hey, this one comes to us from Rocketcat Games, a company that has actually made a name for itself with good quality games. Seven heroes, each with their own abilities, each available for you to take into the dungeon and slaughter countless monsters. What else could you possibly want out of your gaming life? Other than less microtransactions in Call of Duty and for nobody to mention Fortnite ever again anywhere.

#7: Hotel R’n’R (Wolf and Wood Interactive Ltd.) $19.99

I don’t think I have ever had my first impression of a game based on its graphics reversed to this extent and as quickly as it did with hotel R’n’R. Despite your character having disgustingly long and thin arms, Hotel R’n’R is a destruction-based physics game where you take on the role of a failed musician who happens to make a deal with the devil. In return for fame, fortune, and untouchable talent with the musical instrument, all you need to do is smash up a few hotel rooms. In short, you’re just like any other heavy metal band from the 80’s.

Cocaine not included.

#8: Agent A: A Puzzle In Disguise (Yak & Co) $8.99

Agent A is probably a stretch, but I’ve just gone through several pages of utterly unsalvageable trash and frankly I’m just looking for something that looks close to palatable. It’s a puzzle game with a nice art style and interesting looking puzzles. Yes, it looks like an Esurance commercial and I’m not entirely convinced that it won’t end up selling you on simple, fast, and affordable rates.

#9: Blair Witch (Bloober Team) $26.99

I have a feeling that I know where Blair Witch is going, since games that play on the whole “hero with a heart of gold but a tormented mind and a violent past” also tend to throw their “child went missing” stories into the realm of “oh b-t-dubs, your character is totally the killer,” but I’m reserving my hopes that Bloober Team is more creative than that.

Being one of the few games that I have actually played on this list, I will heartily recommend Blair Witch from my first impressions of the games opening hours. One thing that sets this game apart and may turn some gamers off is the camera which actually has a use. You will find tapes that can be rewound in order to find clues and hopefully track down this missing brat. Also, Blair Witch has a handsome doggo that helps you find your way through the spooky woods. You can pet him.

If you have Xbox Game Pass, just download Blair Witch there for free.

#10: Timmy’s Cooking Show (Bmc Studio) $1.94

Normally I would tell you to avoid games like this, but the guy playing Timmy looks like he’s really not enjoying this food he’s cooking. Two bucks to watch a bunch of Canadian dorks putz about won’t give you much of a game, but just think of it this way: When the game ends you’re that much closer to the great sleep you’ll be looking forward to even more after sitting through a Bmc Studio game.

#11: Graveyard Defender (Kitty Cattus) $1.79

Did I list this game because of the developer’s name? No. It should be evident by now that I am a sucker for DOS-era stylized games. Protect your home from waves of zombies. Fourteen levels, less than the cost of whatever is $2 at McDonald’s nowadays.

Wasting Time: Darkula


Here at MMO Fallout I occasionally like to bring attention to games that you can check out completely free of charge, but also games that are not MMOs and therefore 1.) will not require you to take them up as a full time job and 2.) won’t bombard you with microtransactions. These games are totally free. Today’s title is Darkula.

If you don’t know Darkula, you are probably not familiar with its creator Locomalito. Locomalito is the creation of one dude, and in between commercial releases occasionally will put out a freeware game. Darkula is that game.

Looking like it’s straight out of the C64/ZX Spectrum era, Darkula has a very simple premise: You are Darkula, and your goal is to pick up the lightbulbs in each level.

“Darkula is a frantic fixed platform game designed like a 1983 coin-op arcade. It mimic the technical specs of the time in terms of image and sound, but it goes further with a smooth playability and a scoring system carefully designed for local tournaments. Collect all the light bulbs to complete a level. Collect shining light bulbs consecutively to raise the challenge and earn a growing bonus. Be fast, don’t miss the special object and be careful with the monsters around!”

Darkula plays like the fourth screen of Donkey Kong but with a bit more strategy, since you’ll want to grab the flashing orbs in order to greatly increase your score multiplier. This is meant to recreate the arcade feel, after all, your whole goal is to git gud and get that high score up! If you want to check out Darkula, it’ll set you back approximately 22.4mb in space unzipped.

I also recommend checking out the other games on the website, many of which are completely free or have a free version. Why not? The only thing you’ll be wasting is time.

[Video] Megan Fox Talks About Black Desert


Who do you think about when someone says Black Desert? Precisely, Megan Fox. Megan reveals her inspiration for partnering with Pearl Abyss, and the hope she has for young women who can become their true selves with games like Black Desert.

Check it out right above all of this text. For more information on Black Desert, stay tuned to MMO Fallout.

Guild Wars 2 Teases New Living World Chapter


ArenaNet this week dropped new information about the next chapter in the Guild Wars 2 living world story. The Icebrood Saga is the newest collection of episodic content and opens up on September 17 with the prologue episode, Bound By Blood with episode one releasing later on in the autumn.

The Icebrood Saga marks the beginning of a new adventure in Guild Wars 2’s storyline. It is a time of tentative celebration for all the races of Tyria in the wake of the Elder Dragon Kralkatorrik’s heroic defeat by the members of Dragon’s Watch. But whispers from the Northern Shiverpeaks tell tales of ancient forces stirring from their slumber. While the Sons of Svanir—a renegade cult of norn who have turned away from worshipping the Spirits of the Wild—devote themselves to the elder ice dragon Jormag, stories of the dragon’s strength and virtues begin to spread alongside its corrupting influence.

Yea, in case you thought the story was going somewhere other than an elder dragon. ArenaNet also announced new partnerships for upcoming collector’s goodies including a 20th anniversary art book, new apparel, phone cases, and more.

ArcheAge: Unchained Drops On September 30


Gamigo today announced that ArcheAge: Unchained, the rebranding of ArcheAge as a buy to play title, will launch on September 30. The title offers a single purchase price with no shortcuts to power and no subscription. The in-game shop will only sell vanity items and it will not be possible to shortcut your way to power with real money. The shop will sell vanity items and ArcheAge battle passes.

Those looking forward to ArcheAge: Unchained can pre-order the game at the official website. Gamigo is promising that both versions will continue to exist side by side, a promise that will have to be seen given how many times this has been promised with previous launches in the industry. A frequently asked questions can be found here.

IPE: Glorious Saga’s Shutdown Message Sidesteps Developer’s Theft


China; it’s a country where intellectual properties are basically there to be stolen. Unfortunately for IP thieves, western companies have been having better luck in recent years winning major court victories against these copyright cretins. Case in point, Blizzard is taking on Sina Games and their very obvious ripoff of Warcraft; Glorious Saga.

Glorious Saga has been shut down by Sina, and if you check their Facebook page out you’ll have no idea why. The page candidly glosses over any mention of the fact that it’s been sued for being a shady ripoff.

Dear players,

Thanks for your support and love of our game. We had a great and happy time in the game.

But due to some irresistible reasons, we decided to announce that the game will stop operating at 06:00 on 29th of Aug. (EDT), and all the servers will be closed. Players can’t login any longer.

We are very sorry and we will do our best to guide and provide best service for all the players during the server closure process.

Operation Team

Thankfully the snarky Facebook community is having none of this, and calling the company out on its own page. More information on the lawsuit can be found here.

Planetside Arena Isn’t Dead After All, Early Access Coming September 19


Planetside Arena isn’t dead. After six months of complete silence, Daybreak Game Company has announced that the title will be entering early access on September 19. Daybreak posted a new dev blog noting that the early launch will contain a squads mode (12 players per squad) and teams (3 players) in 300-person matches, as well as three classes and an extensive motor pool of vehicles. More content of course will be released after this initial launch period. Naturally.

We’ve always thought of PlanetSide as an evolving saga that will eventually escalate beyond Auraxis to interstellar war, and PlanetSide Arena is where it will start. Expanded factions, new weapons and vehicles, battles on distant alien planets (and the space in between) are all part of our vision.

Over the next year we will begin to explore a future that will see an evolution of the empires and introduce new ways to wage all-out planetary warfare, filled with new game modes and classic favorites reimagined, all at a scale that can only be created through a PlanetSide experience.

For more information, check out the official website.

Mobility: Lineage II Revolution Update Adds New Race


Lineage II Revolution, the popular spinoff of the equally popular MMO, revealed its latest update today. The update includes the brand new Kamael class which starts on the Soul Island territory and has access to three classes; Warrior/Rogue/Mystic, along with exclusive weapons for the class. This update also introduces a new dual class system allowing players to do just that, and experience a second class on the same character.

Other features included in the update are:

  •  New Server Addition – The Gunter and Lancer servers will be added to Lineage 2: Revolution in the western region starting from August 29 (specific time will be notified to players via the official game forum). Players who make new characters on these servers will receive Adena, Red Diamond, and three types of daily benefits for seven days.
  • Level-up has become 3x faster for players, with easier gameplay routes.
  • In Game Events – Celebrate the launch of the Kamael race with these fun-filled events, including:
  • o   Kamael Welcome Race – Pan’s A-Maze-ing Event is back to commemorate the arrival of the Kamael race.
  • o   Dual Class Check-In Event – Log-in into Lineage 2: Revolution for 14 days to receive rewards, including a Scooter Mount.
  • o   [New Server Only] Discount Event – Equipment Level-up and Upgrade costs are discounted for players on new servers.
  • o   [New Server Only] Lucky Box Event – Test your luck after getting some Lucky Tickets’ for a chance to receive the 1st place prize.

For more information on Lineage II Revolution, check out the official website.

[Not Massive] Ancestors: The Humankind Odyssey Released


Ancestors: The Humankind Odyssey is one of the strangest games that I have ever played, and you too can play it as it is available on PC with console coming at a later date. The game comes to us from Panache Digital Games, co-founded by Assassin’s Creed creative director Patrice Désilets, and takes place ten million years ago as players take control of the earliest ancestors of humanity. The game hands the future of the species evolution in the hands of players.

“I am extremely proud of what my team and I have accomplished with Ancestors. I wanted to make a game about evolution that would help remind us of our shared primal instincts. Once I thought of this concept, I could not shake this idea of struggling, trying to survive in this massive, dangerous world,” said Patrice Désilets, Co-Founder and Creative Director of Panache Digital Games. “Today is a great day because we can now share this game with the real world. It may be a difficult journey but hopefully you can survive just as our own ancestors did.”

More information can be found at the official website. Console versions to launch in December 2019.

Funcom Q2 2019: Conan Exiles Strong, Unconquered Not So Much


Funcom this week published their second quarter results for 2019 and they are pretty much okay.

Funcom’s CEO Rui Casais referred to 2019 as a transition year for Funcom between the turnaround and growth phases of the company where those changes may not be immediately visible. Presumably he is referring to Funcom’s revenue and profit for the second quarter which despite boasting a 53% increase from last quarter is moderately over half of last year’s numbers. $8.9 million in revenue in Q2 2019 compared to $15.2 million in 2018 as well as $600,000 in profit compared to $5.8 million in 2018.

The numbers makes sense as 2018 brought in Conan Exiles and Mutant: Year Zero and Funcom didn’t have as big of a title to publish this year outside of Conan Unconquered which didn’t quite live up to expectations. On the plus side, the company has shed its $3.4 million in debt since last year and is in a strong, growing cash position.

With Conan Unconquered we saw an opportunity to experiment with a low budget game in a new genre for Funcom, “Real-Time Strategy”. We worked with a developer with a long track record in the genre to create a small game that isn’t a classical example of the genre, but a twist on it. Unfortunately, the reception from the players was not as positive as we hoped for. We are grateful for their feedback and based on that feedback we have made free updates to the game and have a larger update ready to go out soon. We are improving our processes based on this experience and we still believe in this genre, but it’s clear that the budget and quality of this game was not high enough.

Conan Exiles continues to be the strong performer in terms of revenue and funding Funcom’s other projects. The report does note that the success of Conan Exiles showing the company’s strength in multiplayer games as a service, that the Conan single player game has been put on hold in order for the Oslo team to focus on continued content for Exiles as well as the Dune open world multiplayer game set to release soon™. The Funcom North Carolina team is working on a multiplayer shooter that they hope to bring to market in 2020, while the company is also publishing Moons of Madness and Conan Chop Chop, as well as other titles yet to be announced.

Dune is currently listed as in pre-production while the coop shooter based in the Mutant: Year Zero IP is in production. Moons of Madness, a game set in the Secret World universe, is on track for a Halloween 2019 release with Conan Chop Chop to come in 2020. Funcom is also engaged in joint operations surrounding the Kult RPG franchise, Solomon Kane, Mutant Chronicles, and Doom Trooper along with other lesser known franchises.

Source: Report, Presentation